♥ I Know What Love Looks Like ♥

If you've never seen the beginning of Pixar's Up (or the entire movie, for that matter), then please, do me a favor.  Stop reading this and go watch it.  Don't worry, I'll wait... ::waiting::... ::waits some more::... Okay, did you do it? Are you done? Did you cry? It's okay if you did.  I always do.  We empathize with Carl and Ellie.  They love each other so much and it's so evident in their actions. And we ache for them.  We share their heartache.  And when Ellie dies and leaves Carl alone, we're sad. We're sad WITH him.



I saw this played out yesterday.  And even now, tears stream down my face as I recall it to my mind.  You see, my grandparents were basically Carl and Ellie.  They knew each other since they were teenagers.  They got married when they were young.  And they were together more than 60 years... How many of us will actually be able to say that? (Sidenote: If I got married tomorrow and was married for 60 years, I'd be 93... 93! I think it's safe to assume, I won't see 60 years of marriage, but you never know. Dangit now you know how old I am ::sigh::)

For the last couple of years, as it became more and more apparent that Grandpa was not himself and probably never would be again, I never once heard my Grandma complain.  She took care of him in every way that she could.  She spoke patiently and lovingly to him.  She cleaned up after him.  She changed his clothes, helped him go to the bathroom, wiped his face when he made a mess of eating.  And over the last few months, with the help of my aunt and uncle, she continued to care for him, even when he could no longer walk or do anything at all for himself.  When the family was no longer able to care for him, and he had to go live in a home, she went and visited him every day and sat beside his bed.  She read scripture to him, played him music that he enjoyed and just made sure he knew she was right there with him.

And yesterday, I watched as she told him it was okay for him to go.  Even though, I know she didn't want him to. You see, it was evident that she loved him more than she loved herself.  Selfishly, we don't want to let people go, but sometimes, it's in their best interest.  So, she gave him permission to let go of this life and move on into eternity.  I know her heart was (and is) aching.  I know she has so many adjustments ahead of her and life will be completely different.  But I am so moved by the love she had for my grandpa; and his for her.

If you asked him about her, even up to the end, he would tell you "I wouldn't trade her for a million bucks." Were my grandparents perfect? No. (Neither am I, by the way), but one thing you can't deny is that they loved each other so much.

I hope that one day, I can experience love like that. Until then, I will look to them and the great love they had for each other.  It's a reflection of the unconditional love Christ has for us.

♥Rebekah

Waiting...

"So, did you hear about ________ getting engaged? That means there's hope for you!" 

That's how the conversation started.  It was said as a well-intentioned way of encouraging yours truly aka. the perpetually single girl.  We all have someone like that in our lives.  Maybe it's you.  Maybe it's a friend.  Maybe *I* am that friend of yours.  The one that everyone says "You're so awesome.  I don't know why you don't have anyone." or "Just hold on.  The right one will come along." or "Just be yourself!" As if I'm not sitting here waiting.  As if I'm not being myself.

If you're like me, you've read posts from other young women who have experienced this and the things I'm going to say aren't exactly new, but it's the first time that I am putting these thoughts down for anyone but me to read.

"That means there's still hope for you!" Those words left me rankled.  The more I thought about them, the more they disturbed me.  As if my hope in life is tied to whether or not, I find that perfect match for me.  Can't I live a full and happy life and not be married?  I have to believe the answer to that question is yes.

You see, here's the thing: I've already found the perfect match for me.  His name is Jesus Christ and He loves me so much that He gave His life for me (John 3:16).  He loves me more than any man on earth could ever love me (John 15:13).

So, you see, my hope is resting in something much greater than whether or not I have a man in my life and I just wish that other people would realize that when they say things to me like "There's hope for you!" it only serves to diminish my hope.  You know why? Because up until you said that to me, I was content and not even dwelling on the fact that I am alone.

And I AM alone. You can't know how many times I've struggled with thoughts like "maybe no one wants me" or "what is wrong with me that no one wants to be with me?" etc.  Those thoughts are so damaging.  I have to make a choice, on a daily basis to think positively.  I had to come to a point where I embraced being single.  Not because it is what I desire, but because it is what I AM.

If God has someone out there for me, then when the time is right, I will know.  I have to believe that.  There have been so many times that I've thought "Okay, this is it.  It can't possibly be better than this guy; or this job; or this place." You fill in the blank.  And God has consistently proved me wrong.

I remember Rand Hummel always saying to the teens (and counselors) at the Wilds: God wants the best for my life.  He'd make us repeat that.  Because it's true.  God created me and He loves me and He wants the absolute best for me.  So wouldn't it stand to reason that if whatever I have desired doesn't work out that God must have something so much better in mind?

I've been waiting for a long time.  I think I can wait a little longer.  God gives me the grace to do that.  Otherwise I'd have cracked a long time ago.  And the fact is that the longer I wait, the better prepared I am for whatever God has in store for me.

And I can tell you right now, I am NOT the same girl I was at 22.  Or 27.  Or even 30.  God has been shaping me into someone who has patience, something I'll need if I end up having children.  He is constantly showing me what real love is and how to love others like He does.  I want a marriage where my love for my husband (and his love for me) emulates the love of Christ.  God has been growing me in so many ways. It has not been easy.  I've shed many tears and I have had to examine my own heart so many times.  But maybe God is allowing me to sort through these things now, while I'm still alone, so that no one else is hurt, while I work through it. So that these things aren't standing in the way of me loving a husband and family in the way that I'm supposed to.

It is still the desire of my heart to be married and have a family.  And God knows that.  So, while I'm in this season of my life, I have determined to enjoy it.  To live life to the fullest, so that if I am ever blessed enough to be married, that I can look back on my "single life adventure" fondly.  I'll have stories to tell my kids and grandkids about things I did, that I could never have done if I'd gotten married when I was 21.  I have a chance to find out who I am as an individual and I am constantly discovering things about myself and who I am and what I want from life.  I think these are good things.

So, in the meantime, I wait.  Is it always easy? No.  Will I still have those days where I feel like I'm totally alone? Probably.  But in the long run, I know that even if I never have the love of a man, I have the love of God and for now, that is enough.

Letting Go

It's been more than a month.  It's been six and a half weeks, actually.  Six and a half weeks since I reclaimed myself and my life.  Six and a half weeks since I learned to say "no".  Six and a half weeks since I decided to stand up for myself.  Six and a half weeks since I realized that sometimes love is letting go and pulling back.  Six and a half weeks since I realized that I am responsible for myself and my decisions and no one else's.

The feelings of guilt and the responsibility to "fix" things are not completely gone.  But, I no longer feel bad about things that aren't actually mine to feel bad about. It's been surprisingly... freeing.

And I am free now. Free to be myself.  Free to think for myself.  Free to move forward with my life.  Free to chase dreams I never allowed myself to fully cultivate before.  Free to make my own mistakes and then fix them. 

This is kinda scary to me.  I have to admit.  But it's also sooo exciting! Now there are so many possibilities! I know God has a specific plan for me and I can't wait to see what that is.  I think I know the general direction, but the specifics aren't clear yet.  And that's okay.  I'm content to move forward without seeing the whole picture. In fact, I like it better that way.

God has been working in my heart in so many ways.  And through the most unlikely people.  He is showing me more of what His love actually is and what it means to love, and I am so excited to take that love and pass it on to others as He moves me where He wants me to be.

♥Rebekah

My apologies... Stay Tuned!

I know what you're thinking... Umm Rebekah, you started this blog quite some time ago, so... what happened??? Yeah, about that... My life has basically been a big ball of crazy all summer.  My mother was hospitalized for 10 days at the beginning of May.  We found out that she had E-coli and a Staph infection and then were told she has Ulcerative Colitis and Crohn's Disease... yeah, it's been kind of crazy.

June was like the eye of the storm. Kinda quiet, but you knew it wasn't over.  Not by a long shot.  July pretty much just kicked my behind.  My brother, Eric, came for a visit and to take care of some family stuff.  Work got crazy with mid-year portfolio reviews for clients and only just now am I starting to find time to breathe.

God has been working on and in my heart in so many ways and I can't wait to share them with you here.  So be looking for a post from me very soon.

And again, I apologise for the lengthy absence of posts.  And please pray for me.  I still have a lot of things going on.  Some that are too personal to share in this type of venue.  If you message me, I'd be glad to share more. And I always love hearing from friends. :)

♥Rebekah

Words

Words come easy for me.  Always have.  At 14 months old, I was speaking in full sentences.  My poor little brother, Eric, who came along 4 years after me, didn't really speak until after he was 2 years old.  I may (or may not) have given him the opportunity.

I LOVE words.  I love crossword puzzles, good literature, Fancy Word Fridays, etymology, Wheel of Fortune, Scrabble, Words with Friends... Are you starting to get the picture? So many words floating around in my head.  If you and I have ever sat down for a one-on-one chat, you probably found that I had no hesitations to start talking about what's going on with me and sharing my heart and life.  In that way, I am a giver... a giver of words.

But right now, this very minute, there are some words that need to be said.  By me. To someone (more than one someone if we're being honest) that I love.  And I am finding it beyond difficult.  Because as difficult as it will be for me to say these words.  I think it will be more difficult for the persons hearing it.

I have been holding onto these words for quite some time. Years, really.  And it never seemed like the right time.  I was never ready to cross that line.  To let go of my role.  The role I had, while not always pleasant, was familiar to me.  Safe.  I knew exactly what it required of me.  I didn't always like it, but I didn't have to think about it, so that made it "safe".

But lately, I've been thinking, about love, which is what this blog is about.  When we love others, do we just allow them to aimlessly flounder about? or do we lovingly confront them and say "hey, because I love you and I care about you, I can't let you act this way..."? What's more loving? To just put up with inappropriate behaviors or to call someone out?  I guess it really depends on the manner in which it's done.

I guess what I'm saying is this: I need prayer.  Lots of it.  I've been holding these words back, but when I do finally let them out, I want them to come out in a loving way.  In a way that conveys how much I actually care.  It would be so easy for them to be bogged down with frustration, irritation or unkindness.  But I know that isn't the way God wants me to approach this.  "Be ye kind, one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you." (Ephesians 4:32) Even as God for Christ's sake has forgiven me.  Definitely something for me to dwell on and remember as I strive to show the love of God to those around me.

♥Rebekah

To Love is to be Vulnerable ♥

♥Rebekah

God's Love

I am a firm believer that once God's love gets a hold of your heart, all those things that you loved before that you thought were so important, will start to fall away.  Because you will find yourself, loving God back and because you love Him, you will want to eschew anything that will hurt Him.  You will find yourself seeking to please Him and desiring to show His love to others.  That's why I'm sharing this link.

http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/love-letter-to-a-lesbian

Update

My apologies for not keeping up with this as much as I'd hoped.  Within days of starting this blog, my mother was hospitalized.  So, I have been kept rather busy and even normal things like sleep and laundry, have taken a back burner.  So, I just wanted you to know that I have not forgotten about this, but I just have to take a small hiatus.  However, in the meantime, I am applying the things I have been learning.  Sure, God has been teaching me about loving others, but throughout my current situation, I am learning much of God's grace and of His peace in my heart telling me that all will be well.  I would appreciate your prayers for my mother, as she is still in the hospital and we still are unsure of everything that is going on with her.  We know that she has E. coli and Staph, but she is also having some stomach issues.  She has a colonoscopy scheduled for tomorrow, so please join me in praying that things go smoothly.  Thanks to all who are already praying.  It's such a comfort to me and my family.  ~ Jeremiah 29:11 ~

♥Rebekah

Day 1: 1 John 4:16 God is Love

"So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him." I John 4:16

Perhaps you're like me.  You grew up in church and Sunday School.  You know all the words to Jesus Loves Me and Jesus Loves the Little Children of the World and Praise Him! Praise Him! and even the more obnoxious songs like Father Abraham (Yeah, you're welcome for that earworm).  Or maybe the extent of your religious experience is that you watch Oprah...  For those of us within the first category, maybe the idea of "God is love" is something that we haven't stopped to really think about for a while because it's something we've known for such a long time.  For those outside of that category, maybe our view of God's love has been skewed by it's inaccurate portrayal in the media and through well-meaning evangelicals.  So what does the phrase "God is love" mean? 

I think in order to really answer this question, we have to dig a little deeper.  If God is love, what is love?  Let's look at I Corinthians:

4) Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant.
5) or rude.  It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;
6) it does not rejoice at wrongdoings, but rejoices with the truth.
7) Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things
8a) Love never ends.

This is a description of the attributes of love.  It is also a description of the character of God, therefore, God = love.

So the second part of the verse talks about abiding in love. What does that even mean? Well let's define the word "abide":

a·bide

  [uh-bahyd]  Show IPA verb, a·bode or a·bid·ed, a·bid·ing.

verb (used without object)

1.

to remain; continue; stay: Abide with me.

2.

to have one's abode; dwell; reside: to abide in a small Scottish village.

3.

to continue in a particular condition, attitude, relationship, etc.; last.

verb (used with object)

4.

to put up with; tolerate; stand: I can't abide dishonesty!

5.

to endure, sustain, or withstand without yielding or submitting: to abide a vigorous onslaught.

6.

to wait for; await: to abide the coming of the Lord.

7.

to accept without opposition or question: to abide the verdict of the judges.

8.

to pay the price or penalty of; suffer for.

In this instance, the definition of abide that applies here is the first one: to remain; continue; stay.  If we choose to continue in love (i.e. our actions, our choices, our relationships) then we are choosing to remain with God and He with us.  As we try and emulate God's love and choose to continue in the example that Christ has set for us, God will abide with us.  God's love IS like a circle.  We love Him because He first loved us.  As we abide in love, God abides with us.  And His love is everlasting.

God IS love.

♥Rebekah

An Introduction

Hey there. If you're reading this, welcome! Welcome to my new blog!  Yes, I do already have a blog.  It's kind of very nerdy and at times I'm known to have small rants about this, that and the other.  But this blog is something else.  It's something that I need and I thought I would blog about it in case it could be a help and encouragement to others.

How many of you deal with people as a part of your job? ::raises own hand::

How many of you live with someone else (i.e. family member, friend, spouse)? ::raises own hand::

If you raised your hand for either of these questions than you might be in the same place that I am.  I find myself getting frustrated and easily discouraged because I don't always understand.  But you know what? God doesn't tell me that I get to understand everything.  But he does command me to love others, even if they are different than me and even when I don't understand.

Well, Rebekah, how are we supposed to do that?? Good question.  I am starting a study about loving others, so that I can show Christ's love to others instead of giving vent to frustrations and/or alienating those who need God's love the most.

I think to start out, it is essential that we differentiate between the kinds of love.

1. Storge - Affection - The way members of a family feel about one another.

2.  Phileo - Friendship - Love between friends.

3. Eros - Romantic Love - How we feel when we are "in love" with someone.

4. Agape - Charity, Love regardless of circumstances - The kind of love that Christ has for us.

Now that I have briefly touched on the types of love, I feel that it will make it easier for you, the reader, to understand where I'm coming from.  For the most part I will be talking about "agape" love, since this is the kind of love that I will be striving to emulate in my own life.  I hope that you will join me and spread God's love to those you come in contact with.

♥Rebekah