I Can't Handle It, and That's Okay

There are so many things going on with my family and those that I love at the moment. My heart has been heavy over so many things and someone recently made this comment to me "Well, the Bible says God won't give us more than we can handle, so we have to handle it" and I was sitting there thinking, 'If that's the case, then why do I feel like I'm falling apart?  Why does this load seem too heavy?' And suddenly, unbidden, an article I read some months back came to mind. It discussed how I Corinthians 10:13 is so often misquoted and misapplied.  This verse does not tell us that God will not give us more than we can bear.  It's talking about temptation, not suffering. God won't tempt us beyond what we can bear.  And the author of the article makes a good point.  If God won't give us more than we can handle, then what do we need God for? If we can handle anything that comes our way, where does trust come in? or faith?

God does talk about suffering though (which is a topic, I've been dwelling on lately in my own personal studies) and Philippians 3:10 reads "That I may know him, and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of his sufferings, being made conformable unto his death;" This verse has really come alive for me, as I have gone through difficulties in my life.  They have led me to a deeper understanding of Christ's character.  That's where the 'knowing' comes from.  When we experience pain and suffering, we know Christ in a deeply personal way and the more we know Him, the more we love Him. 

If you're like me and your heart is heavy and you're weary from all that you've been dealing with, you might be sitting here thinking "I think I know Him well enough by now, thanks! Someone else can have a go!" It's definitely tempting to feel that way, but there's another verse that I love.

I Peter 5:7 says "Casting all your care upon him, for he careth for you." Our burdens are bigger than we are. They are heavy. They are cumbersome.  But this is good news! We don't have to carry them! God will take that weight and bear it for us. Why? Because he cares for us! You might think no one cares about you.  You may feel completely isolated and alone.  You may be ready to give up. Don't.  God wants to take that burden for you and carry it.  He created you and He loves you. He wants to ease it for you.  He's watching you as you struggle right now and just waiting for you to ask Him for help.

Yesterday we received word that my dad will no longer be able to stay alone during the day.  The doctor suggested adult day care and of course he was devastated. I'm devastated for him. I cried the whole way home.  I can't even imagine how horrible it must feel to be slowly (and at times not so slowly) losing control of everything in your life. And none of us are able to change that for him. It's such a difficult thing to wrap my mind around. My dad is 61 years old. Only 61! He's not old enough to be considering adult day care. At 61, he should be in the prime of his life, getting ready to retire and enjoy his golden years. But instead he'll be faced with knowing he needs constant supervision. I will confess, a part of me is relieved that this moment has finally come.  For the last few months, several different things have happened that have made it clear that he should not be left alone during the day. He's fallen a few times--once outside where the police found him and brought him home. And because the Parkinson's affects his mind, it doesn't occur to him that perhaps he should stay inside since no one is home with him. This will be a better solution.  My mom gets out of school in a few weeks, so she can stay with him through the summer and use that time to figure out what step they'll take next.  Your prayers for this situation are always appreciated.

There's one last thing to remember in all of this: We are always very familiar with our own struggles--our own situations--and it's easy to remember that other people may not know the extent of what we're dealing with.  But along that same vein, let's try and remember that we don't know everything other people are dealing with either and let's be kind in our interactions.  Maybe that kindness is what God can use to ease the other person's burden. Let's show love to one another.

♥Rebekah

Let's Send Some Love! xoxo

Hi friends, How is your Monday going? Did you get enough coffee to keep you going throughout the day? Did you have a fabulous weekend? I had a lovely weekend, myself.  No complaints here.  I do have a favor to ask of you all though.  Someone I love very much is dealing with something overwhelming and scary.  You see, the mom of one of my best and dearest friends has cancer.  She's been battling it for a while and recent complications have left her hospitalized with pneumonia on top of the cancer she has so bravely been battling.  Eileen has shown me excessive kindnesses over the three years that Stephanie and I have been friends.  And now I have a chance to show kindness back to her.

So here's my request of all of you: My friend, Stephanie, has asked that anyone who is able, send a card of encouragement to her mother, Eileen.  If you have kids and they want to draw her a picture or write a little note saying "Get Well Soon", I know anything would be appreciated and would make Eileen's day and make her heart (and Stephanie's) feel loved. The address to send cards to is:

Eileen Cox 1356 W 94th Ct. Crown Point, IN 46307

Let's send oh-so-many wonderful cards and spread love to someone who really needs it! It will only take a minute and it would mean so much. I know I can count on all of you to help this happen. And please be in prayer for Stephanie and Eileen and their wonderful family. Much love!

♥Rebekah

GUEST POST: Words of Wisdom from my friend, Travis

I saw this posted on Facebook yesterday and I appreciated it because it touched on a few things I've been thinking about lately.  I asked Travis if he would mind my sharing it on my blog and he very kindly agreed to let me do so.  Without further ado, here is what Travis has to say:

"The other day a friend of mine posted something to his Facebook that said something to the effect of, 'If it takes the promise of a divine reward for you to do good, you are not a good person.'

I've been mulling this over, and I've realized that such a sentiment betrays a fundamental misunderstanding of Christian love, and, even more so, a fundamental misunderstanding of God's love.

The assumption here is that Christian love and God's love are just like "the world's" love. I'm going to say something that will certainly make a lot of people angry: if you're not a Christian, everything you do is selfish. Now, before you unfriend me, hear me out. You love because you expect something in return. You might do something nice for a friend with the expectation that the friendship will grow, and you'd expect that friend to do nice things for you in the future. (In fact, if you perceive someone to be a 'taker', you likely won't continue to do nice things for them.) You might show love to someone you're interested in with the expectation that the relationship might lead to marriage. (And if things don't work out, how likely are you to be their friend afterwards?) At your best, you may show love to someone with no expectation from them, but knowing that it'll make you feel good about yourself, but even this is still about what you will get. And this is also why non-Christian love will never be complete, because this idea of love precludes you from doing anything that may offend someone or make you feel bad in any way.

"But wait a second," you say. "Don't Christians do the same thing?" While it is true that Christians can and do reap all the same rewards for love that you do, true Christian love is not motivated by those rewards. Rather, Christian love should be motivated by gratitude for what God has already given us. And since He has already given us everything, there can be no expectation of further reward. This is truly selfless: to do good knowing that there can be no reward. I would say that God's love takes it even a step further, because He gave us everything knowing that many would, in fact, deny that He ever did, and hate Him for it.

"Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another." -1 John 4:7-11"

Seeing as this blog is about love, more specifically loving others as Christ did, I thought these words were relevant and deserved to be shared. Thank you, Travis.

♥Rebekah

Real Talk... I'm Okay

You know how sometimes you can know something in your heart, or at least think you know it?  Then things happen in your life to test it and you realize you were wrong or somewhat mistaken or misguided. Other times, things happen and God uses those opportunities to confirm what you already know.

The latter happened to me recently.  I've been single most of my adult life.  A few 'mayyyybe' guys and one blip of a boyfriend in 2009 and that sums up most of my dating history. I have always been a glass-half-full kind of gal, so I have hardly sat at home moping for things I didn't have, even though in my heart, I do yearn for a husband and a family (we're all friends here, so I can be transparent, right?).  But I always told myself that I was fine.  I was okay.  I could wait and let things play out the way God wanted them to.  I had determined rather than sit around and bemoan my single status, I could take advantage of this precious time of singleness to do things I wouldn't be able to do as a married lady.  Examples range from sleeping in on a Saturday morning to meeting a friend for dinner and a movie at the last minute to taking a weekend away to visit friends. I'm sure as a mother, those times would be harder to come by.  There are other compensations, to be sure.

I'm not gonna lie, I do have those days where I sit and home and think "No one wants me. I'm going to die alone."

Not usually as upbeat as that^^ when it hits, but I have those moments. I don't know how to put it into adequate words, but if you've been single for a long period of time, you can understand the loneliness, the aching emptiness of being alone. Of always having to cry with no one to hold you and tell you it'll be okay.  Of making decisions that you have no desire to make because you're it--you're the only one who can make them for yourself.  But I have learned one thing.  There's a HUGE difference between being alone and being lonely. And being lonely is no reason to jump into a relationship.  If you do, you're probably going to be just as unhappy in your relationship as you already were. 

It is a truth universally acknowledged that... you don't get to be my age and single without wondering if you've become desperate or how long you can go before becoming desperate, because let's face it--for guys, it isn't quite so pressing, but for us womenfolk our biological clock is ticking.  If we want to have kids, we have a limited amount of time in which to do so. Tick tock!

However, I discovered (or rather reconfirmed) something about myself, though, pretty recently.  I'm not desperate! I mean, I thought I wasn't, but it was nice to have a confirmation.  Maybe I'm just not ready.  Maybe I am ready, but the right person just hasn't come along for me.  And you know what? That's okay. I'm willing to wait for the person who is just the right fit for me.  I know that God has been teaching me so much that will make me a better helpmeet to my future husband and I can only assume that He is also preparing my husband to be what I need and to be able to love me the way I deserve to be loved.  To love each other the way we both deserve. And if God never brings someone along for me, well, that's okay, too.  I'd be much happier to be alone than shackled (maybe that's too strong a word...) to someone who makes me miserable or who is just utterly wrong for me for the rest of my life.

When this realization hit me, I just sort of sat there grinning at myself.  Because you know what? It's a really good feeling.

♥Rebekah

Time Heals All Wounds...

I didn't even think about you yesterday. Not even once.  I'm a little bit ashamed now.  It's the first birthday since you left this earth almost twenty years ago that I've not remembered.

It doesn't hurt me to think about you now. And I do think of you--quite often. I remember how much you loved to laugh and how much you liked to tease me about becoming a "woman". I was only thirteen.  Hardly a woman. Haha! But you loved to tease me about that anyway. I remember how much you loved your kids and what kind of things would catch your eye i.e. Victorian lace, old Coca-Cola decor, etc.

Your death taught me so many things. Correction: It is still teaching me so many things.  Empathy and compassion for others who hurt; living life to the fullest because you never know when it will end. It's been one of the biggest factors to shape my life and to shape me into who I am today.  Because of you.

Do I wish you were still here? Most definitely, but only because I'm selfish. I know you're so much better off and wouldn't wish to come back even if you could. I just needed to tell you that I've reached another milestone in my grief over your loss.

You will never be forgotten, Aunt Gloria, and my heart continues to heal, a little at a time.

♥Rebekah

♥ I Know What Love Looks Like ♥

If you've never seen the beginning of Pixar's Up (or the entire movie, for that matter), then please, do me a favor.  Stop reading this and go watch it.  Don't worry, I'll wait... ::waiting::... ::waits some more::... Okay, did you do it? Are you done? Did you cry? It's okay if you did.  I always do.  We empathize with Carl and Ellie.  They love each other so much and it's so evident in their actions. And we ache for them.  We share their heartache.  And when Ellie dies and leaves Carl alone, we're sad. We're sad WITH him.



I saw this played out yesterday.  And even now, tears stream down my face as I recall it to my mind.  You see, my grandparents were basically Carl and Ellie.  They knew each other since they were teenagers.  They got married when they were young.  And they were together more than 60 years... How many of us will actually be able to say that? (Sidenote: If I got married tomorrow and was married for 60 years, I'd be 93... 93! I think it's safe to assume, I won't see 60 years of marriage, but you never know. Dangit now you know how old I am ::sigh::)

For the last couple of years, as it became more and more apparent that Grandpa was not himself and probably never would be again, I never once heard my Grandma complain.  She took care of him in every way that she could.  She spoke patiently and lovingly to him.  She cleaned up after him.  She changed his clothes, helped him go to the bathroom, wiped his face when he made a mess of eating.  And over the last few months, with the help of my aunt and uncle, she continued to care for him, even when he could no longer walk or do anything at all for himself.  When the family was no longer able to care for him, and he had to go live in a home, she went and visited him every day and sat beside his bed.  She read scripture to him, played him music that he enjoyed and just made sure he knew she was right there with him.

And yesterday, I watched as she told him it was okay for him to go.  Even though, I know she didn't want him to. You see, it was evident that she loved him more than she loved herself.  Selfishly, we don't want to let people go, but sometimes, it's in their best interest.  So, she gave him permission to let go of this life and move on into eternity.  I know her heart was (and is) aching.  I know she has so many adjustments ahead of her and life will be completely different.  But I am so moved by the love she had for my grandpa; and his for her.

If you asked him about her, even up to the end, he would tell you "I wouldn't trade her for a million bucks." Were my grandparents perfect? No. (Neither am I, by the way), but one thing you can't deny is that they loved each other so much.

I hope that one day, I can experience love like that. Until then, I will look to them and the great love they had for each other.  It's a reflection of the unconditional love Christ has for us.

♥Rebekah

Waiting...

"So, did you hear about ________ getting engaged? That means there's hope for you!" 

That's how the conversation started.  It was said as a well-intentioned way of encouraging yours truly aka. the perpetually single girl.  We all have someone like that in our lives.  Maybe it's you.  Maybe it's a friend.  Maybe *I* am that friend of yours.  The one that everyone says "You're so awesome.  I don't know why you don't have anyone." or "Just hold on.  The right one will come along." or "Just be yourself!" As if I'm not sitting here waiting.  As if I'm not being myself.

If you're like me, you've read posts from other young women who have experienced this and the things I'm going to say aren't exactly new, but it's the first time that I am putting these thoughts down for anyone but me to read.

"That means there's still hope for you!" Those words left me rankled.  The more I thought about them, the more they disturbed me.  As if my hope in life is tied to whether or not, I find that perfect match for me.  Can't I live a full and happy life and not be married?  I have to believe the answer to that question is yes.

You see, here's the thing: I've already found the perfect match for me.  His name is Jesus Christ and He loves me so much that He gave His life for me (John 3:16).  He loves me more than any man on earth could ever love me (John 15:13).

So, you see, my hope is resting in something much greater than whether or not I have a man in my life and I just wish that other people would realize that when they say things to me like "There's hope for you!" it only serves to diminish my hope.  You know why? Because up until you said that to me, I was content and not even dwelling on the fact that I am alone.

And I AM alone. You can't know how many times I've struggled with thoughts like "maybe no one wants me" or "what is wrong with me that no one wants to be with me?" etc.  Those thoughts are so damaging.  I have to make a choice, on a daily basis to think positively.  I had to come to a point where I embraced being single.  Not because it is what I desire, but because it is what I AM.

If God has someone out there for me, then when the time is right, I will know.  I have to believe that.  There have been so many times that I've thought "Okay, this is it.  It can't possibly be better than this guy; or this job; or this place." You fill in the blank.  And God has consistently proved me wrong.

I remember Rand Hummel always saying to the teens (and counselors) at the Wilds: God wants the best for my life.  He'd make us repeat that.  Because it's true.  God created me and He loves me and He wants the absolute best for me.  So wouldn't it stand to reason that if whatever I have desired doesn't work out that God must have something so much better in mind?

I've been waiting for a long time.  I think I can wait a little longer.  God gives me the grace to do that.  Otherwise I'd have cracked a long time ago.  And the fact is that the longer I wait, the better prepared I am for whatever God has in store for me.

And I can tell you right now, I am NOT the same girl I was at 22.  Or 27.  Or even 30.  God has been shaping me into someone who has patience, something I'll need if I end up having children.  He is constantly showing me what real love is and how to love others like He does.  I want a marriage where my love for my husband (and his love for me) emulates the love of Christ.  God has been growing me in so many ways. It has not been easy.  I've shed many tears and I have had to examine my own heart so many times.  But maybe God is allowing me to sort through these things now, while I'm still alone, so that no one else is hurt, while I work through it. So that these things aren't standing in the way of me loving a husband and family in the way that I'm supposed to.

It is still the desire of my heart to be married and have a family.  And God knows that.  So, while I'm in this season of my life, I have determined to enjoy it.  To live life to the fullest, so that if I am ever blessed enough to be married, that I can look back on my "single life adventure" fondly.  I'll have stories to tell my kids and grandkids about things I did, that I could never have done if I'd gotten married when I was 21.  I have a chance to find out who I am as an individual and I am constantly discovering things about myself and who I am and what I want from life.  I think these are good things.

So, in the meantime, I wait.  Is it always easy? No.  Will I still have those days where I feel like I'm totally alone? Probably.  But in the long run, I know that even if I never have the love of a man, I have the love of God and for now, that is enough.